We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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