Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
