Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
