Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
