I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
