A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
