Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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