Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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