I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
