my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
