All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
