Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
