My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
