you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
