I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
