That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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