Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
