3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He kissed a someone with a penis
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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