i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
