why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
