i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
