I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
