I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
