This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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