..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
