So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
