a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
