One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
two words: eviction party
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
