please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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