If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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