someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
