those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
