I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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