Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
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No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize