Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
