man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
