you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
