I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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