I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
