It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
