i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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