I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
