Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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