Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
