I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
