I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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