you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
