Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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