well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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