i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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