I just found puke in my bra..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
