Whod you bang
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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