Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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