I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
