i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So gin and wine won't be happening again
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
