I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
