dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
