I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
