I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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