I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
