It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When are your genitals available?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
