I hate all girls vehemently.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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