So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize