Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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