Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
