Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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