Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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