Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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