Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
