Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
