do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
