Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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