she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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