and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
