Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
