So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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