dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
