it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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