So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
