Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
