you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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