People with herpes should wear stickers.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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