JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
