Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
