She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
only you would photoshop your dick
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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