We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
