I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
