Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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